How Porn Hurts Relationships: How to Recover From Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction
Porn damages loving relationships. Men and women can consume porn in a normal and healthy way, whether alone or together, in a relationship, single or married or in dynamic and open relationships.
However, an excessive consumption of porn from a young age is causing serious side effects, particularly amongst young men. Women seem to be able to watch porn without it causing the same issues. It doesn’t diminish female sexual desire. The same, unfortunately, can’t be said for men. At the turn of this century, erectile dysfunction – where a man struggles to get an erection – was more common amongst older men. Males typically over the age of 40; although 50-60+ was more common, and usually in poor health. Excess weight, drinking too much, smoking and being in a poor physical shape all contribute to conditions that make sexual vigor less likely. Now there is a new enemy of male arousal, effecting couples across the world: Porn.
How is porn hurting relationships?
Porn is easier to find and consume.
From early-teens, young men (and women), can get access to as much porn as they want whenever they want, on any device. Unless parents carefully monitor Internet access, this can be impossible to restrict. And even then, once a teenager becomes sexually aware, as hormones start to change bodies, behaviors and desires, if someone wants to watch porn, they will find a way.
Porn isn’t the only problem, not by itself.
Younger generations have grown up in a digital world. From the TV and videos they consume, to computer games and social networks: Everything is accessible, everything is on-demand, and they are often connected to friends across the country and the world. Making porn simply another part of this virtual, hyper-connected digital landscape.
In itself, that shouldn’t be a problem, no more than it is for older generations, for those who didn’t grow up digital connected. However, the key difference is that older generations were usually already sexually aware and active before free Internet-streamed porn became the norm. This is one of the key differences, as numerous studies into this are showing.
Erectile dysfunction was very rare in younger generations at the turn of the century: Generally around 2% to 3%. Now that figure is between 14% and 35%, according to several studies and the Reward Foundation, an educational charity created to teach young people about how to manage love, sex and the Internet in a healthy way.
What this means is: Far more young men are having difficulties getting erections and becoming aroused than ever before, even when in a loving committed relationship.
Is porn to blame for erectile dysfunction?
Yes and no. Or at least, according to dozens of studies into this: Not always.
We have to remember that some of the same problems that affect older men are also more common in younger generations: poor health, poor diet, excessive drinking, drug use, and not being as physical active, are all having a negative impact. Mental health also plays a role, with younger generations more affected than ever by anxiety, exhaustion – including burn out – and depression.
All of the above, mental and physical factors, can play a role in reducing the chance of a man getting an erection. Of course, it entirely depends on the circumstances and relationship in question, including short and long-term factors. But for those who have experienced erectile dysfunction on several occasions, or who are struggling with arousal when with a partner, this is something that needs to be looked into more closely.
Porn is a fantasy.
Unless you exclusively watch amateur porn, the majority performing for the cameras – women and men – are professionals. People experienced at putting on a show. And whatever that show is, whatever we – as consumers – want, there is porn to cater for those tastes. What this means is, the consumer is in control. We can go out and find whatever we want to watch that will turn us on and get us off.
Real sex, with a real person, is not comparable to porn.
People have more complex needs. For younger men, who’ve only experienced sex through the lens of porn, transitioning to real romantic and sexual relationships proves more complex and challenging. For young women too, who’s partners have maybe only experienced porn, this can prove challenging to them as well. When men grow up immersed in porn, when they only experience masturbation and therefore sexual pleasure through porn, when they get to the age when they want to and can have sexual relationships with another person, they find there is no control in the same way there is with porn and sex in real life (IRL) is very different to what is portrayed by professional actors online.
Is porn similar to drugs?
In many ways, yes. It is similar to any stimulant that can have the same negative impact as drugs. Doctors and therapist as treating porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED) similar to the same way patients are treat for any number of addictions.
Porn wires brains in the same way as drugs. If someone has been consuming porn for years, then this is the main route to arousal and sexual release. When they get to the age where this is possible through real physical intimacy with another person, the stimulant is similar, but not the same. Although in the early days of any new physical and emotional relationship this might not prove to be a problem. Long-term, younger men are finding it challenging to maintain interest from an IRL stimulant: falling back on porn, which they know works, thereby making it more difficult to always get an erection.
Not always willing to seek professional help, young people are turning to online support forums for those struggling with PIED. Groups such as NoFap (slang for “no masturbating”) are designed to provide peer support for those having difficulties breaking away from an overuse of porn. In the same way that AA helps alcohol addicts and various other groups helps those who are addicted to drugs, pain killers, eating too much, and numerous other addictions.
With peer support, young men can stop seeing porn as the only way to achieve arousal and sexual release. Professional help, either through ED pills, or support from a therapist, and the support of a loving partner, and even churches and religious institutions can help. All of this is useful to know for kids who won’t necessarily want to talk to their family doctor about this.
PIED is one of the more serious issues that an overuse of porn can cause.
Heterosexual sex in porn is dominated by certain themes: violence, simulating rape, infidelity, abuse, rough anal sex, control, domination, and other misleading and unrealistic situations. It is giving young men a warped view of sex. It is inadvertently putting young women either at risk, or risk being put off having sex with young men who don’t have a healthy view of adult relationships. It is contributing to younger generations having less sex than older generations.
Porn needs to be treated the same way as other harmful addictions. Reducing consumption, even kicking the habit, is the only way for young men struggling with PIED to change behaviors and get back to a normal, healthy relationship with sex and intimate partners, and themselves.
A charity in the UK, The Reward Foundation, found that: “What we’re hearing from clinicians, sex therapists, doctors and people dealing with compulsive sexual behavior is that more than 80% of issues are porn-related.”
Is there a solution?
There are a number of solutions.
Similar to treatment for erectile dysfunction in older men, pills can help.
But by themselves, pills can’t cure the problem. For men with these issues, looking at porn usage and considering whether it’s having an impact is one step on the road to fixing this. If porn is as necessary as having a drink for an alcoholic, or drugs for a drug addict, then it’s no longer a healthy enjoyment but a harmful addiction.
Pills alongside support, in whatever form that takes, can prove very helpful. Addictions are rarely kicked in isolation, and an addiction to porn is something usually done alone, but can have negative consequences when we want to be alone and intimate with someone who’s not on a screen.